I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
