i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
