We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what day is it and did you see me today?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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