I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
