remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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