you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
