So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
