This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
