i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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