Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need to stop coming to work sober
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
