Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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