so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
