I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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