people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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