i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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