Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
