My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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