You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
