bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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