yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
