My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
