You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
