Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
