When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So squirting runs in the family.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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