I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
