I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
