The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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