I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
