Someone shit on the floor
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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