I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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