haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
