At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
