so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
