so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
