It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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