you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
