We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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