I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
