i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
