using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
