Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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