I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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