tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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