you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
