I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
a search helicopter?!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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