I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
