as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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