the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
