You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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