i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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