You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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