she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
