that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
