since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
