we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
